Color of Outdoors by Mandy Joy Poole

I am going through a flux right now that I can’t deconstruct. I’m not sure if what I’m experiencing is ‘normal’ because it’s happened at other times in my life, but it doesn’t feel good.

A blanket term for it all could be anxiety, but I would imagine there’s something more to it than that.

I have so many feelings and fears competing against the small glimmers that pop up throughout the day (if I’m lucky).

There’s points during the day where I forget to breathe, all of a sudden I’m taking this big gasp of air. My mind is just lost in thought, and I don’t or can’t articulate what I’m experiencing well enough to even talk about it.

I’ve been drawing a fair bit lately, which helps a bit. But it doesn’t take away the silence. I’m really bothered by the silence.

Somewhere between the chaos and the calm,
M.