Category Archives: Journal Entries

fact checking

. people want each other but they don’t need each other
. the air is so fresh here
. biking is cheaper than therapy
. none of my plants ever died on my watch
. teaching someone english is not the same as teaching them how to love
. people who never listen to your concerns don’t respect you
. tattoos are personal so the only opinion that matters is your own
. dog hair is basically a condiment
. making ends meet shouldn’t mean ending your personal life
. drink more water. always more.
. the world is waiting for exploration, it’s ok if you can’t afford it right now
. pain is the loudest voice
. if you smile, i’ll smile
. i may never be a writer but i will always write
. even family has vested interests, it’s ok to say no
. tineye
. only children are adults at birth. i am harder to love because i embrace the loneliness
. i am still trying to figure out what it means to be métis

M.

Don’t be shaky, be sure.

I woke up at 4am the other night with that line in my head for some reason. Very bizarre. But it was important enough to me that I wrote it down. A couple of hours later when I got out of bed to start the day I had this crazy urge to create.. so I plugged in my Wacom tablet and picked up the pen and started some digital art. That was so weird. That practically never happens.

That is a big problem for me, or, a big obstacle at least. I am struggling so much with my creativity lately.. finding it very hard to write anything besides my daily gripes/cheers into my journal. I am continuing to do that however, and read a little bit daily. I’m trying not to pressure myself, but I really wish I could write like I used to. Oddly enough, I think I can only write when I’m sad or angry about something and I haven’t been lately. I should be thankful for that I suppose, but I definitely need to find a way to disconnect those two things. My writing should not be connected to only bad feelings, but also good ones.

I’ve started writing lists. I picked up this book called 52 Lists for Happiness by Moorea Seal and I’m about to write in my third list. I don’t know how I’ll feel about this at the end of the year, but I am definitely going to make a point to do this once a week. I’m willing to bet I’ll be happy that I did this project when I’m ringing in 2019.

Happiness is a concept I’ve been reading a lot about lately, having just finished the Little Book of Lykke by Meik Wiking. I’m about to start Lagom by Niki Brantmark. To me, Scandinavia is so fascinating. The culture, the design, the landscapes… everything. I’ve started following different tourism and local blogger accounts out of Norway as a kind of digital dream board for my future travel goals. I know I’m a long way from visiting Oslo or Bergen, but I figure if I always have these beautiful images in my daily view that it’ll keep me dreaming enough that it might happen.

I’ll leave you with some images from this month, a mixed bag of moments.

Don’t be shaky, be sure.

Love,
M.

 

2017 Views

Every NYE brings the thought of what I accomplished that year, and what I look forward to continuing the next day with the start of a new year. I stopped making resolutions because all that does is pick away at the things that you could be better at, instead of acknowledging all the good that you do. I try to put a positive spin on it, I call it my congratulations list.

  • Poetry reading at the Town Hall x 2 during National Poetry Month
  • My dad gave me a skidoo!
  • Joined the Melville Public Library board as an ordinary member in May, was made vice chair in June, and chair in November.
  • Featured in Canadian Geographic’s 150 Ultimate Canadian Instagram Book
  • Got a new tattoo to commemorate my 10 year friendship with my best friend Douglas.
  • Visited my hometown several times (more than usual!)
  • Celebrated 7 years of blogging at Color of Outdoors
  • Increased responsibilities at work, a new position

More to be added as I think about it…

M.

The edge of it all.

It’s December 21, the darkest day of the year. I’ll try not to be too…cynical.

It’s been a weird month. A lot of things have happened since my last post about my nan’s passing. I’ve taken on a new position at my work where I manage a courier business, which entails working with a number of different couriers, 4-6 drivers, customers, web work, paperwork and so on. It gets stressful sometimes, but it’s work I enjoy because I’m constantly busy and organization is my own personal zen – I just love it.

Also since my last post, my 1.5 year on/off (more on than off) relationship ended permanently. It’s been a lot to think about…a lot to overthink about. I try to keep myself as busy as possible so my mind doesn’t wander to all the things I could have done differently, things I could have said. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

Currently I’m waiting for the dryer to stop so I can pack my suitcase for my Christmas travel home. I have a huge plastic tub filled with gifts and stocking stuffers for my parents that I have to somehow keep Dad from opening. He’s picking me up this year and we’re doing some very last minute shopping for a gift for Mom from him tomorrow night. There’s a lot of impending snow so we’re hoping to leave early Saturday morning.

This past month has been a strange combination of hope and despair. I still think about my nan every day, and I shed more than one tear thinking about the end of the relationship that changed my life so much. I’m hopeful because of the work I’m doing, it makes me feel like I’m making some improvements in my life. Makes me feel like, at the end of the day, I’ve done something.

I’m also working moderately hard (LOL) on a Keto lifestyle. The stress lately has made me get back on the Coke (Cola) wagon and I’m struggling to get back off that, but otherwise, my scale tells me I’m making progress with 2-4 pounds per week gone.

I guess I’ll end this on a good note, that if you’re reading this you’re at a place in your life where you see some glimmer of hope as well. That your 2018 is everything you need it to be.

Yours;
M.

Moon and Sun

The Sun and Moon together. A perfect love story.