An Ending.

“Who are you when no one’s watching?”

That’s a question I ask myself quite regularly. Usually whenever I catch myself doing something out of the ordinary. I ask myself why I did it, or why I didn’t do it. Keeping myself in check.

Last night I removed all but one friend from my Facebook account, my mother, because we live so far apart and I always enjoy the photos she shares of her and my dad and my hometown. Makes a girl a little less homesick. I told all of my other Facebook ‘friends’ how to contact me if they wanted to, it remains to be seen whether or not they put in the effort. Telling.

After 10 years on Facebook, thousands of posts and hundreds of pictures, I finally had enough. I had been thinking about terminating my account for some time, but I have to keep it because it’s linked to pages and groups I manage for employment. So this was the best solution I could find.

“Binge” was the theme of last night. I also removed myself from Twitter, Instagram, Reddit, and deleted my YouTube channel. Sometime down the road I may regret some of my choices, but I doubt it. You don’t realize how much being online takes over your life. What the kicker was for me, the straw that broke the camels’ back, was waiting three hours in front of the screen for someone to reply to a message (while I was doing other things online of course) and not realizing so much time had even passed. How completely pathetic that I waited three hours for someone to answer my question when I could have called them. That’s how hypnotic it has become.

Admittedly, shamefully, I felt like the things I was posting were attention seeking and that’s not how I want to be seen. I’ve had friends and family members ask me why I decided to leave so much of this behind when it is such a huge part of who I am… my only response? It’s not who I want to be anymore.

The things that remain are this: my blog and one email address.

I’ve got to tell you. I’m breathing a little easier.

M.

The trouble with social media

Is that it’s so damn addictive. I know this is certainly not breaking news, or any type of news, really. Just making an observation – considering that I work 9-5 as a social media coordinator and still end up spending half of the night on my computer when I get home from work. That sickens me a little.

Weekends are different, thankfully. I get outside and do things. Now that it gets dark super early I have more motivation to plan fun things to do on the weekends because there’s no real chance of me doing things once it hits 5 p.m.

But honestly though, I think if it were possible for me to not completely lose my mind (or any limbs) I would love to live in an area where I couldn’t get internet or cell service. Call me crazy, but sooner or later all of these devices could give out. Can you imagine everyone trying to ‘check-in’ while frantically tapping their blank, fried cellphone screen? *shudders at the thought*

Picture it. Serene, snow covered cabin in the woods. Surrounded by trees bogged down by snow. Just a few footprints to and from the cabin door to the woodshed. Smoke slowly billowing into the dark, starlit sky. You’re sitting there by the fire place in your well worn rocker/recliner reading (insert book title here).

That would be my dream. Except mine would include an 8 foot chain fence around the perimeter to keep bears out (it’ll be hidden amongst trees so it’ll almost look like legit roughing it in the wild). And there would also be a lumberjack. Well, I’d settle for a bearded man.

Anyway, that’s enough out of me tonight. I better go before the whiskey really starts talking.

M.