what if I miss you
and those are the only feelings
I have left to feel
what if I’m so tired
my eyes won’t open all the way
I miss all the signs
danger, danger
no stops for 392 kilometers
I keep running on four wheels
away from feelings
too strong to settle
too scary to hold
don’t give me that look
I met you on a wet day
I said goodbye in the dark
when I look at her
no poem is ever enough
every note is a high key
I surrender to the sound
M.
i can feel my heart pounding in my ears
it is not fear
it is just the weight
just
that i carry around, three times the average
gravitational pull
i am quick
i am fluent
but i am heavy
it is a burden
shared by my relations
(they like to remind me)
that someone prettier
skinnier
has it all, and then some
words stick to me like tape even if only said once
and i struggle to peel them off
to not repurpose the tape for their mouths
i am quick
i am fluent
but I am heavy
the weight of your resistance
is more than my legs can carry
M.
my jaw clicks
it is the same click shared
by my uncles
and my dad
i often wondered
had i been born with-
out a purpose
had i been an Anthony
instead of what i am
would i be any different?
would i be
a parent
a poet
a-fraid
i have built engines
i have cut trees
i have fought wars (eternal)
i have kissed a girl
i have raised my voice
i have fallen in defeat
spent
and i am just as lost as ever
my jaw clicks
but only when i’m trying to tell you
that it doesn’t matter
M.
