Poetry

St. Agony, 2014

There was a woman on the third floor
She sang ‘you are my sunshine’ repeatedly
What kind of trauma had she endured?
Me with my lack of tonsils
Choked by cigarette smoke and the smell of crab
God forbid you crack a window
The sheets stuck to my dry legs and I don’t know how that’s possible
yet I drank all the water
Washed down the pain
I thanked my lucky stars I had my mother
To soothe all my worries and darn me a lullaby with her knitting needles
One day I had a visitor
Who said she knew my aunts
She told me stories about the old days
All the while eating a cupcake with the wrapper still on
Ten days later
I couldn’t help but wonder
Whatever became of the maid
Pissing in the garbage can in the hall
and where her sunshine was.

M.

Journal Entries · Photography

A big month.

This month was pretty big, all things considered. I turned 33. I moved into a new apartment with two of my friends, in an area of town I very much enjoy. And, if you’re into weather watching at all, holy hell did we ever get a lot of snow.

Dad and his friend Lar drove from Fox Harbour to Goose to bring up some things for the new place, which included a stove (range) that my Aunt donated to the cause, a kitchen table, boxes of my dishes that I haven’t seen since 2012 and a big collection of my Christmas decorations. Pretty well everything that I had back at home that was mine. Now I have everything I own here for the most part.

My coworkers Darcy, Raymond, Patrick and Todd were super helpful with my move. I mean, I am good with heavy lifting, but these guys are pros. Thanks to my boss for lending a cube van, we were able to move all of my stuff in one shot. And that thing was prettttty packed. I’m so thankful for dependable friends.

My previous landlord gave me chairs for the kitchen table that was given to me by my mom & dad, and the landlord also gave me a used couch. My roommates and I went 1/3 on a kitchen fridge, a washer and a dryer. Our apartment is a mix mash of second hand items, but I’ve got to say it really feels ‘homey’ to me. I brought along a couple of chairs for the living-room that I thrifted over the years. Our space is probably more 70s/80s looking in terms of style right now.

It’s nice living up here, there’s SO MUCH light coming in through the whole apartment, the only thing that is taking some adjustment is snow clearing. I haven’t had to do my own for a few years now, and this winter we’re having record-breaking snowfall here in Goose Bay and it’s not even our “snow month” (March) yet. It’s gonna be a bad time.

I also turned 33. Yeah. My dad happened to have been in town on the 12 to bring down my stuff, so my birthday and my move in day happened all at once, and this was the first time since I was in high school that Dad got to spend my birthday with me. I’m working on a keto lifestyle, but I’ll be honest, we had Mary Browns and a slice of red velvet cake for dessert, because you only turn 33 once and my dad only comes to town like twice a year. #noregrets

I did not make a post on January 1 like I have done in the last few years. Typically I write a post that summarizes my accomplishments of the previous year, with a positive spin on what I hope for the year ahead. To be very honest, I’m not in the headspace. I’ve been feeling really….weird.. lately. I wouldn’t call it depression, but I definitely don’t feel like myself. I am trying to figure out how to fix whatever this is, and the keto lifestyle is helping a little as I am losing weight and becoming more physically healthier as I try and work on the mental part too.

Hope you’re all well, I’ll be back again soon.

M.