When I was 20.

I found this tonight on an older site that I forgot I was apart of. I was silly.

I am a distraction. I am what you come to in life, not to love, just to observe…almost like a mirror. You look at me and find yourself, because I am never myself. Everything I say turns poetic, and people seem to like that. I am a 20 year old cynic. Some say cynicism, I say truth. I don’t believe in God. I believe there is something more, and millions of things we have no idea about. I know there is something far greater then this, I just choose not to label it as God, or follow it in a cult-like manner. I like life. I like simplicity, but complicated happiness. I don’t like to pick things apart. I like to look at lines and textures and imagine what they feel like before feeling them. I love peoples faces, everyones faces…not in a vain way, I just like to see through them and imagine what they are like. I enjoy many forms of art. I was voted most artistic/creative when I went to hell. I’m tired of old fashioned life, but modern times scare me. Medicine scares me. I like things to be natural; everything must flow freely. I have to put up with a lot of shit. I need closure. No one can trust me, yet strangers can empathize better. When I’m bored I clean. My room is always spotless, as are my guitars. I love music for what it is, you don’t need glitz and glamour. I have a treasure chest filled with memories at best, and for the most part I hate hearing my phone ring. I have pointless things and big dreams. No matter what I do I’ll always be known as the fat girl who can draw. I like the stars and the cold air. I can watch a burning flame for hours and walk away with a smile and happy thoughts. I hate make up. I sometimes hate boys. My fingernails are short, chipped, and dirty. Mud and grease is appealing. Paper compared to this monitor is amazing. My name is Mandy Poole, and I like black ink.

So what has changed? Well, I’m now the fat girl who can take photos. I love makeup and I love boys. My nails are long and well manicured. Everything else is pretty much the same haha.

Love,
M.

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