mistakes made twice

mistakes made twice

that sound that’s in the air,
that rings in your ears constantly during silence.
the hum.
the uncomfortable wait.
the “somebody, please, say something!”
another heart beat drops.
each minute you lose another piece of yourself.
numb hand.
numb arm.
numb face.
why did I do this?
eyes flicker on and off like high beams.
why couldn’t I have stayed home?
that split second the light goes out.
off by a millimeter.
tarnished hands hold the hour hand tightly.
the uncomfortable wait.
I close my eyes and imagine it didn’t happen.
imagine it’s 2008 and I’m there with my bushy tail.
I close my mouth and I hear my thoughts.
I wait for once.
for twice.
what am I doing?
really.
the hum.
that hum is deafening –
defining.
I close my mind and turn out the night.
I’ll file you under mistakes made twice.

M.